I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
