it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
