We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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