please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
