i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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