Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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