I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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