my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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