I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
do nipples grow back?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
