remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
