After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You made out with two different species that night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
