This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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