so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we're making bets on your personal life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
