so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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