if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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