marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
