he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
