we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
