Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love accidental penises.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
