I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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