Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
