New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need a beard to bite.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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