I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
