She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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