break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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