i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
