If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
