one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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