The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
