Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
