I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
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Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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