It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
