She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
