Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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