We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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