Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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