I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
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A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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