Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
