So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
thus making me awesome and them whores
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
