i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
