I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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