I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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