yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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