I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
