At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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