take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize