I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
