Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
