i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
