69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
