I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
