I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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