When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
