he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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