i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize