Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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