Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
