My hair reeks of homosexuality.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
