I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
