i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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