fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
