i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is Oprah even human
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
