You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
