Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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