nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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