I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
