He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
