If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
