All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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