i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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