PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
