I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
