wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
