You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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