My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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