I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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