he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
