marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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