Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
