Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
